Life is making it so obvious it is almost like a comedy. My very first conversation IN THE DRIVEWAY with the owner of this house yesterday said it all. Without knowing anything about my story he said to me “why did you leave your last place? Was the owner obsessed with you and didn’t want you to go? I can see why – you are so beautiful and impressive I can understand.” As I briefly mentioned yesterday I drew a boundary and said that I really didn’t want that kind of attention but I was so fried that I didn’t have it in me to let that scare me off right away and just get back into the car. He seemed receptive enough that I told myself it was just an opportunity to be assertive and I would see how we go. 🚩
Aside from the unwanted vibes and while this new place has a great aesthetic and view – poor Chalupa cannot scale the spiral staircase and we might as well be in an apartment as I have to bring her down to potty and it’s stressful for both of us as she is used to being a free range little baby who can come and go as she pleases. There are no fans so I sweat my tits off all night and couldn’t really sleep. The landlord lives in a small room right underneath the chalet and he has continued to want more attention from me than I want to give. Last night he was encouraging me to do a long term lease with him and kept saying this is my house.. he wanted to bring me firewood and wine and I told him what I needed was space and solitude. He agreed and left me alone. (Who the hell would want a fire in this heat?!)
I slept in this morning and when I go to wash up there is no water. Instant annoyance but it’s normal in Tepoztlan so I use my bottled water and I bring chalupa outside to relieve herself. As soon as I’m outside the landlord immediately starts to engage me. I normally would “not want to be rude” but I just said straight up look this is a great place and I’m thankful for your hospitality but I just woke up and I am not ready to have a conversation. He said oh of course so sorry and made himself scarce. I could feel tho that he was disappointed that he’s not having the riveting friendship that he seems to want to have with me. So I sit on the patio overlooking the view and start writing in my journal. I acknowledge that I don’t like the expectations and pressure I am already feeling and as I write the words “am I just exhausted and grumpy or am I picking up on a needy landlord take-two red flag situation?” I kid you not y’all – water starts pouring from the roof right above my head and starts to flood the balcony and my bedroom where all my clothes are!!! I run into the room and move all my suitcases out of the water. I started laughing because it was just such dramatic timing!
The landlord comes rushing out saying “oh no I forgot to close the thing last night and now the tank is losing all the water that was just delivered!” I tell him it’s flooding the bedroom and he runs up with a bucket to start mopping it up. I say it’s ok it was obviously an accident but his mood has shifted big time. His whole energy has changed and he is visibly frustrated with himself and he starts to mumble about how expensive of a loss this is for him. I decide to come down to the grass with Chalupa as I felt my nervous system activate – again. I had that familiar panicky feeling come over me and I was like here we go again – feeling trapped!
Feeling pressured and feeling in way too close of quarters with this dude for my reclusive self. So instead of ignoring my anxiety and trying to talk myself out if it – I thank it and say I’m listening to you – I’m here for you and I’m getting us out of here. Instead of waiting for another red flag – I look to my Airbnb and I just happen to have a message waiting for me from a woman who has a house in the ideal neighborhood saying that she hopes I am still interested in booking the house for a few days to feel it out and see if I would like a direct contract and a longer term lease. I had totally forgotten about this place in all of the drama and it had not been showing up in the listing! It is surrounded by nature and completely private – no landlord on site or close neighbors. It’s a little more rustic but has all of the most important things that we have been looking for. So I booked it and we will be arriving there on Saturday. My anxiety immediately left and now I feel so excited and relaxed and renewed! Red flags are not red flags anymore – they are deal breakers. No more needing more than one intuitive hit for me that something is a bit off. (Well to be fair – more than two hits! 😂) I trust my body now and listen to all of my uncomfortable feelings as sacred messengers guiding me towards my highest and best life. Ahhh this is another massive leveling up and I’m feeling so confident and free. The body always knows. We don’t feel anything for no reason and I finally trust enough to understand what I’m trying to tell myself.
Thank you for coming on this adventure with us! We will send you photos when we arrive on Saturday! Love y’all and I hope this sharing continues to be helpful and a source of encouragement to trust yourselves too!