If I thought that the energy of my weird landlords was intense – they paled in comparison to what I experienced next. Absolute peanuts. So instead of making my poor self wait another 3 days in that place where I did not feel comfortable with the owner – I decided to move out early the next morning and I kept my stuff at a friends house while I waited for the country house to be ready. They weren’t expecting me until Saturday but they were happy to do a quick clean and let me arrive early. I felt proud of myself for taking care of my inner children and apologized for even thinking of making them stay that long. I was promising to them that as soon as they speak up – I’m getting them to safety right away – not in three days. Again no amount of money loss would matter. The owner was very upset that I was leaving without telling him and kept asking me to come back but I made it clear that that was not going to happen and that I didn’t need a refund. Just to leave peacefully.
So now we are off to the country house in the woods. The first strange thing was when the woman, Mariana, wrote me saying that the address on the website was wrong and that she would send me the real location. Not only was in not in the same neighborhood at all – it was 25 minutes driving distance out of town. I figured that it might be too far for long term but that a nice retreat in the woods might be just what I needed. So we get out there and my taxi friend Victor was already laughing and teasing me saying “this is way too far away – you know I am going to be picking you up and moving you back to the center in no time!” I decided to just check it out and at least give it a chance. When we arrive the people are very nice but the house was 10 times more rustic than I had imagined. Chalupa loved the big yard though and seemed to light up when she had the chance to really run around. There was a really intense chemical smell throughout the whole house and at first it just seemed like they had just finished bleaching everything and that it would fade as the house aired out. I felt really disappointed that it wasn’t going to be my place but I made the decision to just enjoy the time I was there and to focus on being grateful that I was away from the creepy dude and closer to nature.
Chalupa and I take a walk on the expansive grounds and I notice that the forest seemed very dark and kind of spooky. The energy of the trees and everything just seemed kind of heavy and strange. I had been through a lot though and had not slept for more than a couple of hours did the last few nights so I just tried to focus on finally getting some rest. I wasn’t going to stay here long so might as well just enjoy it for what it was and start looking for my next place. I was feeling kind of negative and bummed out so I thought it might be a good time to have a little smoke and get myself in a better mood. So I have a little joint and I immediately feel my heart open and my system relax. I honestly felt great! I could laugh at my whole situation and look at it as an adventure that was dissolving my 8 years long writing block and just felt really connected to myself.
I look at the two bedrooms upstairs and decide to sleep up there as there was more windows and better air flow. The smell on the bedding and all over the house is really strong though and I was surprised that it hadn’t dissipated at all even with the windows open for a couple hours. I was able to get into this really great headspace anyway and started dancing around, deciding that I was going to enjoy my experience no matter where I was and that it was only temporary. At least I was safe and could relax.
So I start to burn some sage to cleanse and bless the house and hopefully clear some of the weird smell out of there. A giant and sudden wind starts to blow through the whole property and it was so strong that a couple of the windows slammed shut. As I go upstairs with the sage I notice that I start to feel kind of anxious. This was strange as I said I had just gotten into a really good mood and had surrendered to the situation for the night. As I walked around and saged the windows I started to feel agitated. I could have sworn I hear a voice say “don’t come up here” and I admit I told myself I had just smoked for the first time in a long time and it probably just brought up some of the built up anxiety to the surface. I brought my sheets upstairs to make up the bed in the room with the best airflow. And I hear a soft voice say “do not sleep up here.” I thought it was weird as it as so subtle but as I entered the room and started to make the bed I heard it louder and clearer, “I told you – do not sleep up here.” I’m starting to get goosebumps just writing this story. So I resist at first because I am starting to feel really agitated by the chemical smell and I really did not want to sleep in the room downstairs as it had the smallest amount of windows and breeze. Omg I must be so paranoid from this herb I thought to myself as I put the sheet on the bed. “Fine you can suit yourself – learn the hard way if you’d like.” Now this got my attention and I said to myself “nope! I have heard that phrase before and it never fails to deliver. I’ll go into the next room.”
I don’t know how I did not see this before this moment – but I look above the bed and hanging there is a large black and white painting that literally looks like someone drew a portal to Hell. Just violently scribbled black holes all kind of squished together and I immediately was like well THAT can’t be a nice energy to sleep under. Why would they have that here? Wtf?! Thanks for the warning, whoever was speaking to me. So I take the sheets out and I go into the other room next door and although I don’t know how I missed this when I first saw the room – there was a painting of a really gnarly looking demon right over the bed. It was not abstract, there was no artful interpretation happening here. It was a demon, without a doubt. Again I think to myself why the hell would anyone EVER want a painting like this in their own house – let alone a rental where you are trying to make folks feel comfortable?! Sure as fuck not sleeping in here either!
Now the voice returns and this time much louder and more clear “you need to leave. You are not wanted here” and I sure was listening now. The hairs stood up on my whole body and I started to feel a strong presence fill the upstairs. It made it very clear that I had pissed it off and it was now making itself known. I apologized for intruding on its space and for smudging. I told it/them “I respect you and your space and I’m really sorry – I will stay downstairs and not come back up here. You have your space up here I and will have mine downstairs. I won’t bother you and you will not bother me. Again – really sorry for the sage, this is your house and I will be out of here tomorrow morning.”
I feel myself shaking as I go down stairs and it’s probably midnight by now. I get into the downstairs bed and the smell had just gotten worse it seemed. Whatever they were using to wash/disinfect the house was seriously toxic. I started to feel my throat getting sore and my head was hurting.
I used some of my own towels for bedding instead but it barely helped.
Just breathing was really uncomfortable now. I started writing the landlord telling her that I was having some kind of a reaction to the cleaning chemicals, that it was way too far from the centro and that there was no way that I could stay here. I said it in a delicate way as to not offend her and at first she argued that it was non refundable and that no one had ever complained before. I told her that it would be really a huge loss for me to lose $1000 and that I would still have to do it because I was started to break out in hives. I told her I was straight up scared to stay in this place by myself and that I had to leave first thing in the morning. My saving grace was that the address was listed wrong on the website and that there was no arguing with that. Her tone softened and she started to cooperate – I’m sure wanting to avoid a cripplingly bad review. I write to Victor my angel in a taxi and my friend Jesus who was happy to arrange a room for me in his apartment building for the next day. It was only a small studio room but we had been there for a few hours that day waiting for the house to be ready and it has a huge garden and great energy. So I started to feel better knowing that I would be out of there the next morning early and that whatever was upstairs seemed to be ok with our agreement and was leaving me alone.
Almost as soon as I had the thought I felt a sharp and sudden anxiety come over me again and I knew I was in trouble. I’m a feeling and audio type psychic more than visual when it comes to energies but all of my senses were being overwhelmed. I saw and felt something enter my room and it looked exactly like the demon in the painting upstairs. I started to hear a low, raspy voice start to taunt me in all the ways you might expect. It told me that there was no escaping. That I should have left when I had the chance and that it had me now. It told me that I was never going to leave here and that I would never get rid of it. I had not felt something this dark or tangible for 12 years since my initial trainings on how to deal with malicious spirits. I started to tell myself that all of this was an opportunity to learn and that I was safe. The voice started becoming more sinister and began repeating in my ear “you are not safe. You are NOT safe. YOU ARE NOT SAAAAAAFE!!!!!” I felt it begin to attack me for real and for a moment I believed that it was right. My heart started racing out of my chest. Panic started to course through my veins and every cell was filled with terror. That familiar hot and cold feeling pouring down through my head that makes you feel like you are going to pass out or die right on the spot. In that moment I wanted to run but I couldn’t move. My mind flashed to calling Victor to pick me up right then and the voice answered with a disturbing chuckle, “he won’t get here in time. Your blood will paint these walls. There is no help for you. You are alone and you are mine.”
I felt as afraid as I possibly could for what seemed like an eternity and yet I know it was only a few moments. I truly felt like I was doomed and that I was going to be one of those white chicks murdered by a demon in the forest that will be a mystery for years to come. The visions I saw in my head were full of torture, terror and hellish debauchery. I saw some really horrible things happening to children in that house that made me feel sick to my stomach.
For this long moment – I felt sure I was meeting my end and it was the worst fucking case scenario imaginable. I wish I could say more eloquently what happened next – but something very powerful inside of me awoke and intervened. Right before I felt myself about to faint, a light within me started to grow and it spoke without words right to my heart. I was able to gain consciousness enough to remember the truth. “I reclaim any power I have given to you. You cannot harm me. You cannot kill me, you cannot hurt me, you can only scare me. There is nothing you can do to me because I do not give to the power to do it.” This creature bared its teeth and told me I was wrong and that it was indeed my end. The light continued to grow brighter and stronger and was now surrounding my body like a cocoon. “No, you are wrong. I am the sovereign authority of myself and I am all powerful. I have dominion over all spirits in my reality and you cannot harm me. I reclaim the power I have given to you to make me feel afraid. I bless you. You cannot scare me and you can not make me hate you. You cannot force me to battle with you. I have dominion over you and I am full of Divine Love. You cannot harm me. You cannot scare me. I am the endless Love of God and I bless you! I bless you. I bless you, I bless you and I love you. There is nothing you can do to make me not love you.”
In the instant that I was able to fully access the Love that I am the room exploded with light and the spirit was literally flown out of the room – back upstairs. I couldn’t believe how quickly I went from feeling the ultimate terror to the ultimate peace. I was so calm and peaceful and even felt an intense joy. So much relief overwhelmed me and I was even able to sleep for a couple of hours. I did not have any more experiences that night. The next morning I was up and ready to go by sunrise and I was feeling so expanded and inspired by what I had experienced the night before. It was the most tangible and dramatic attack I had experienced in over a decade and I felt renewed and fascinated more than anything. I have had many experiences with entities in the first few years of my practice and I learned very quickly that it was the unconditional love that kept me safe and that these energies are parasitic and vampiric. That they have only the power you give them and that when you have nothing for them to attach to you literally become invisible to them. So just like dealing with vampiric people – when you take your attention and the power you are giving them away – they are nothing. I was so fascinated by how remedy was the same principles of dealing with narcissists- this was just the higher octave. I’ve known all of this for years. I teach it to my clients ever day. Yet it’s one thing to know something conceptually and another to apply that concept when you are highly triggered and scared out of your mind.
I really wanted to take a photo of the paintings to show you all because I thought no one will believe how insane these things are! There were also in both rooms paintings of Egyptian hieroglyphs which I thought was interesting. However the moment I stepped foot on the stairs a voice warned me “Do not come back up here. If you take a photo they will come with you. Portal.” and of course I jumped off the stairs like it was hot lava. “Yes of course, sorry to disturb!” I replied with my hands up, “Thank you for the reminder and I’ll be on my way now.” Some of you might think I’m insane for even thinking of going back up there or wanting to take a photo but it just shows you how protected and solid in myself I was feeling. I truly felt amazing and untouchable. Everything that had happened in the last few weeks seemed to pale in comparison from this spiritual attack – so anything that wasn’t on that level just felt like nothing. It was like it put things into perspective and I felt so alive.
When Victor arrived he took one look at me and said “well you look awfully cheerful for the night that you just had. Get in and you can tell me all about it.” And I did. He also confirmed that this was an obvious test and that he was glad that I was so well equipped to handle it and that I seemed so excited instead of traumatized. I then got to the beautiful garden apartment of my friend Jesus and he listened to me for hours last night as I shared and processed. Once I was in a safe place I had a lot of tears come out and I had some really profound realizations.
In my research into the darker parts of life over the past few years I have come across the very disturbing reality of child sexual abuse on the darkest and most extreme levels. I don’t want to go into it here but the things I have seen and heard had traumatized me and I adopted the belief that there must be a darker force “outside of human nature” that was so evil it must be from another place. That it was so evil that it must be hated and despised. I did not see another way. As I spoke to my friend Jesus about this and he argued that everything comes from the same Source. I started to get really anxious again and started to feel really uncomfortable. I asked him to stop talking and just let me express what was coming up or I was probably going to have a panic attack. As I started to process it became clear that whatever I did not love had power over me. Whatever I feared or hated by natural law had power over me. Whatever I rejected and disowned as outside of creation would have an influence over me. I spoke to the part of me who had felt so traumatized by seeing the proof of widely spread child torture and sex abuse. I spoke to the part of me that feared that these people involved in such atrocities would somehow escape justice and that they would win. That they would be able to stay hidden and protected by the current global system and that we were headed into a darker reality than most people could imagine. If you have looked into the darker aspect of the NWO, you know what I’m talking about. I let myself feel all of that pain, all of that trauma, all of that helplessness. I let myself grieve for all the children who have been through what I saw and grieve for the people who have died or been ostracized trying to save them. I healed the wound that had been making me think that there is any force stronger than the truth. Stronger than love.
Only by fully acknowledging my fears did they start to dissolve. So as I cried out all of the pain and fear in my heart I felt the space inside me start to fill with trust and love. I started to feel the presence of everything good and holy in the world consume me and our entire plane. I let go of the trauma that kept me from feeling the truth – that all will be revealed. That all that is hidden in darkness is coming to light. That all forces who thrive in the shadows are being dissolved as each courageous human heart awakens to hold this light in their bodies. Each moment another hundred people are reclaiming their sovereign authority and that nothing is more powerful than the truth. I remembered that Divine Love is the most powerful force in the universe. That it loves the unlovable and forgives the unforgivable. That it has no limits and therefore can never be stopped. This holy light of the ultimate love shines upon the deepest and oldest darkness and that nothing that receives this light goes unchanged. That this was the only thing that is truly real. That I am here to experience this darkness and to shine the light of our loving Creator onto it. That if I AM this endless and most powerful love – then I never needed to be afraid, of anything, ever again. I sobbed as I felt my whole heart open and I let this light fill me. Every drop of fear poured out and I let peace fill me. I let freedom fill me. I let power fill me. I let compassion and trust in this sacred process fill me. I left the battlefield. I left the war. I reclaimed my rightful place as the Creator of my reality and I reminded myself “what is the darkness, after all, once the light is shone upon it?”
I felt myself expand to absorb the whole world. I felt my choice ripple through the dimensions and encompass every inch of this plane. I felt myself connect to the timeline where truth wins. Where love wins. Where humanity is ready to learn the easier way and that we break free of all spells cast on us by weaponizing our fears. I saw each person reclaiming their sovereignty and a thriving world of free folk living in harmony with nature and each other. I saw the end of suffering on this planet. At this moment fireworks started going off everywhere and I felt myself truly let go. It was now the equinox and the last day of the astrological new year. These fireworks felt like they were all just for me. I feel in my bones the events in my own microcosm were a reflection of the whole and that I had made a profound choice that night. I had the best sleep I have had in weeks.
So I sit here now in my tiny but glorious studio apartment full of gratitude. I am in awe of life and everything that I am learning and remembering through my adventures. I feel like I had the happiest, easiest most peaceful life in Peru and it was like the Shire. I left on my pilgrimage to Mordor and I feel like I just successfully dropped the ring into the fire. I needed to meet all of subconscious and unconscious fears in order to embody the next version of myself and I have done exactly that. I feel so relieved and so intimate with myself.
Besides the reward of all this personal growth.. life has awarded me the ultimate upgrade from every house I’ve ever lived in. I still have another couple of weeks in this temporary place until I’m able to move.. but this new home is so worth waiting for. I can’t believe how quickly the perfect place opened up once I completely let go and opened my heart. Sometimes what seems like delays are really just life preparing massive blessings for you while you do the work to be ready to receive them ❤️
Thank you for following us along on our journey and I hope you are enjoying these stories and transmissions